"love isn't an act. its a whole life.

its staying with her now because she needs you;

its knowing you and her will still care about each other when butterflies and daydreams, fights and futures,

when all that's on the shelf and done with.

love.. i'll tell you what love is: 
it's you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, 

each of you listening for the others step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, 

could mean a lifetimes talk is over." -Brian Moore

Just in case anyone is confused...we aren't married yet. Jon was with me at my bridals, and we did some groomals with him. He looked simply smashing in his grey Australian suit. 

Last night we celebrated our last date night as a non-married couple {since I won't be up in Logan next Wednesday night.}We went to Hamilton's, THE best steak house up here. Thank you SE Needham's Jewelers for the $25 coupon. We only ended up spending $35 on steak, ribs, an appetizer, dessert and flavored lemonades! {still up there, but it was SO good!}

Another member of the "friend group" returned home from an honorable mission on Tuesday. Welcome home, Jord! It has been a long, yet quick, 2 years. Jon and I are so glad Jord can be at the wedding as one of the best-men. :)

So I don't really know what to write about, unless I want to go on and on about my day to day craziness of a life. School, work, wedding, activities committee, summer school plans, packing, moving, a dwindling bank account, Tj Maxxers probably hating me, eating too much, new found blogs I love, and so on. I could go on forever. But instead I'll end with this thought I had on Wednesday:

I was headed for the drinking fountain on the way to my sewing class {which I hate now. which we ALL hate now. anyway.} When I was 7 feet (maybe) away from the fountain of agua, a man went to get a drink. I suddenly  lost my desire to utilize that fountain, as his hygiene seemed just a little poor and he kind of creeped me out. After those not-so-kind thoughts went through my shallow brain, I said to myself (figuratively) "Ashley, you are just SO judgmental!" Then I felt obligated to drink out of that fountain, even though my moment of dehydration had passed. What did I do? Kept walking to class.

Maybe I'll drink out of it tomorrow.

This weekend will be a very special one :) 

Night, Lovers!

Queen of...

Bridal Showers! That is what I am. :) Today wrapped it up for the bridal showers in my life. I was so fortunate to have 5 showers within the past month. Thank you everyone who threw them and came, I love you so much! It began with the Feller's, Margo and her girls threw such a cutely decorated shower in March. Then my girls Val and Jame threw a friend's shower, breakfast at Village Inn at the beginning of this month. Next was my mom's side of the family, Britt and my Grandma threw a lovely shower at the Grand America. Tea time anyone? Last night we had a shower with my home ward, thrown by my lovely {past} visiting teachers, Kathleen and Bridget. And today, last but not least, was my dad's side of the family. Grandma Wendy threw a joint shower for my cousin Kacey and myself. It has been SO MUCH FUN to see family and friends that I love so much come together. I must say I feel a bit awkward being the center of attention so much, so I just can't wait to return favors and throw showers for all ya'll! A big huge 

THANK YOU 

to everyone who has helped get this wedding ready-to-roll. It's been a long time coming, and it will be so wonderful to finally start eternity with my Feller. I couldn't have done any of the planning without my family, Jon's family, and our friends.

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

 We got our bridals/groomals back today. Can't wait to show you more! 

Now...time to work off all that shower food! Two weeks to go :)

Dream or Nightmare?

I was having a really vivid dream right before I woke up that it was the wedding day. People started showing up at the Feller's and nothing was set up yet. I wasn't even dressed up and
I didn't know where Jon was. 

When I woke up this morning I started to freak out because we haven't given everything to our videographer. I had to reassure myself that I still have about 2 weeks to finish preparing...
Everything is gooood. 

Happy basically-weekend! What are you doing for Easter?

I am. Cereal.

Almost 3 years ago Jon and I were saying one of our last goodbyes before I headed up to become an Aggie. At this time he was preparing for his mission and we were trying to "tone it down" so it wouldn't be so hard when he left. {don't get me wrong, it was probably the hardest thing I've experienced thus far...but I can't imagine how much HARDER it would have been if we hadn't gotten ourselves ready for it in advance.} Anyway, as we were saying goodbye, I told him "maybe you shouldn't call me Love anymore." As I heard myself say this I got really sad. Love. That's what he called me. His Love. So being the super creative {not!} people we always are, we decided to call each other our favorite cereal. Okay, I'm sure you're thinking 'what the freak, you guys?' right? My favorite at the time was Captain Crunch and his was Lucky Charms. He was now Captain and I, Lucky. They have stuck to this day. Countless letters from my missionary in Australia would read "Have a wonderful week, Lucky" or "You are my Lucky star". 

Well I think my nickname is very fitting. I couldn't be more Lucky and blessed. I am going to spend the rest of eternity with my Captain. 

16 days until I marry my best friend.

Whilst I wait...

The time has come to register for fall 2011 classes. This will be my 7th time going through this process. The internet shuts down, every single Aggie that has facebook begins complaining about how they can't register, and then the next day all you talk about is "how annoying Banner is." Needless to say, it is much harder than it needs to be. Registration opened at midnight, and we are all battling for our chance to get the classes we need in order to continue on our educational path.
So whilst I wait, I write.
Something I like to do is Blog Surfing. I could honestly spend all day long reading through a random persons blog, then when I get tired of that, go to the top of the page and hit "next blog..." I love it. It satisfies me and keeps me entertained. I learn more from strangers, mothers, (gay) mormons, burn victims, crafters, friends, etc...than I seem to learn in my classrooms.
{pause. hit refresh on Banner. continue}
Something hit me today. Well it has been just pinching me for the past while, but it slapped me right in the face today. I AM SELFISH. I swear it seems that all I worry about is ME ME ME. I keep wondering "why am I so stressed?" or "why is this bugging me so much?" Um, hello Ashley. Look around you. Listen to what everyone else is saying. Once you literally forget yourself and go to work, things will get better/easier/simpler. You already know this. How many times do you have to learn?
A lot, apparently.
I am so blessed, you guys. We all are. If you are anything like me, we take the small things for granted.
{refresh.}
Look in the mirror. What do you see? I am critical and will more often than not judge every aspect of my face, body, intelligence (or the lack thereof. Oh look, there I go again), personality, weaknesses. I am my biggest critic.
What I hope to be able to see everyday, and not just at moments, is a reflection of someone who is confident, loving, forgiving, innocent, effort-ful (is that a word), and happy. Because that is who I am.
I am trying, and that is just what I need to keep doing. Try to be better, always.
Someday I won't be too scared to write in my journal, letting go of the fear of reading back and being ashamed or embarrassed. But happy with what I have done and learned and accomplished, and how I have grown. Because if I am trying to be better, always...there's no way I won't grow.
I got some much-needed ear time from 2 of my best friends today. Thank you, ladies. I hope that someday soon I won't have to rely on others words to feel better about myself. I will know my worth and strength and capabilities on my own.
{refresh.}
I will let my walls down and be vulnerable. I will give my life to the Lord. I will trust, with all my heart, in the man that loves me and wants to call me wifey. I will love him endlessly, and never put anyone above him or my Father in Heaven and Savior.
{refresh. nothing.}
I think I will give up on Banner until tomorrow.
Or else I'll keep rambling and you will all think I am crazy for writing on my blog and not in a journal. Don't worry, I'm working on it.
Thanks for visiting and listening. It means a lot.
Until next time: Desire
ps. Happy bday Mom and ValPal

Come to me....

PLEEEEEEEAAAASSSSSE!!!!!!

Constant Reminder

"Faith is something greater than ourselves and enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt of afraid, and to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."

-Gordon B. Hinkley

You guys, I'm so sad right now. We've run out of announcements...and we're short about...a bunch! So I'm really sorry if anyone that even reads my blog (besides family) doesn't get an announcement, I'll try to make it up to you. Just know you are loved, and we are bad at estimating how many announcements we would need.
Goodbye. Goodnight.

I'm usually really upset when I think about Target being nowhere near Logan.

But today I am grateful. I would be there too much and probably have a sad wallet.

I am on the hunt for a cute, modest swimsuit. Any tips?

It's official

I probably belong on peopleofwalmart.com. When I got home from the gym tonight I just headed straight to Jon's (no shower. I smell. sue me) I'm wearing a pair of gray stretchy work out capris, my blue nasty-looking coat, a shirt that is longer than my coat, and I just threw on my gray boots that were calling my name with their dryness. Oh and yes my hair looks awesome, in a lop-sided pony.
I'm sure the latenight shelf-stockers loved seeing my underwear lines in these bad boys ;)
Good thing it was late and I went to the South Walmart (yes there are two here, within 10 minutes of each other) so I didn't see anyone I knew. 

Anyway, don't you just hate it when you run out of all the essentials at the same time? I'm talkin' things you CANNOT go a day without. My list today:
-conditioner
-toothpaste
-deodarant
-face lotion
-concealer
And I'm sure you know, these things aren't cheap! I saved 7-10 dollars by holding off on the concealer for today. I just needed to get out of there and in my cozy bed. I guess this face will have to suffice until my next run to Wally World.
Oh and if you know me or have read deep into this blog, you know I hate liquidy/goopy/slimy/different textured things and I'm pretty sensitive to new smells.
So let's just say getting ready for bed tonight was a real challenge, with all these newbies I just purchased. It's time to grow up Ash. Any tips on how to let go of this type of OCD? I need to be an adult for my hubby.
Sweet dreams Lovers.

Um.

I spent about 25 minutes curling my hair this morning. The snow {yes, snow} took less than ten destroying it. I love that...so much!

My insides are screaming about how great it is that it's the weekend. They are also screaming about how disappointing the weather is. 

Bipolar disorder. My insides have it.

So Wednesday was our weekly date-night. I'm beginning to think we either have really bad luck or the world is against us... Our plan was to go to the Mulan Buffet because this girl was craving Chinese food. It was...CLOSED. Just like Pounders was a couple weeks ago. We decided to venture over to Chuck-a-Rama (don't judge- I like it. Their rolls are divine). Well it was opening night for the new addition to Cache Valley and the line to get into Up-Chuck was probably an hour long. Heck no. So across the street was a place called Gias. Italian food. I could go for that. We were the only ones there for about 15 minutes, the waiter was great and brought us hot-bread promptly. 

Yay. Food.

My Feller ordered Parmesan Chicken (one of his favorites) and Ashley here ordered Cheese Ravioli (fave). They were both amazing and so filling. I had garlic breath for the rest of the night. It was awesome. 

After we stuffed our faces, we got some 89 cent ice cream cones at Burger King then headed to the theater to watch Singin' in the Rain. It was fun, and cute, and long.
To add on to the not-so-lucky life we've been having lately...Last night I locked my keys in my car and I didn't have my spare with me. So I stayed at Mindi and Dave's then Jon drove me back to my apartment in the morn. We wanted some bagels for breakfast, so we stopped at the infamous Old Grist Mill. I walked in and the lights were off, and there was no music. Everyone just looked at me weird. I made my order and went to have them my debit card, and she said, "Oh PLEASE tell me you have cash!" Sad. I was confused. I figured their card system was just down. So we went to Einsteins. Same story. No bagels for Ash and Jon.
I'm telling you, the world is against us!!! ;)

I'm grateful for Wednesday nights. It gives me something to look forward to in the week, and it's the only night of the week that I don't have too much to do/stress about. 

The wedding is getting closer, 4 weeks away. My bridals were supposed to be this weekend, but this blasted snow had to ruin it and push it to next weekend. The plan is to take them at the Great Salt Lake. If the weather is bad I need a plan B...any ideas? I need help! 3 weeks before the wedding...wow that is PUSHING IT. 

Sewing is the greatest class. I am in there with Val, the friend/roomie, my cousin Chandler, and a handful of gals that are in my same major. OH and our teacher totally reminds me of the mother on Tangled. Face structure, breast structure (?), attitude, voice...it's so great. We all love her. She's in a big bike race this weekend, good luck Jen!

This weekend will be filled with friends and family, I'm excited :) Friend bridal shower, friend date-night, my newest nephew Noah's baby blessing. It will be a good break from Logan.
Have a good and safe weekend, ya'll!

Love.

Getting worked on by a cute guy

So I was at work today. The end.
Just kidding. I was at work at the dental office, sitting at the desk waiting for patients to check out/call/anything. One patient came up after getting her cleaning/examination and was explaining how she just needed to get her teeth done, and FAST. I asked if she was in pain or something, and she said no. I was confused. She went on to explain that her teeth look awful and she's just so embarrassed. Especially because she has a cute guy working on her teeth. I laughed and said, "Oh you think Dr. Gordon is cute?" She said, "Well sure, but I'm talking about the hygiene assistant."
I wasn't sure what to say next...do I tell her 'that is MY man and you betta' not be layin' yo' eyes on him!' (that's my version of a powerful black woman doing her thing). Or do I just let her go and be super excited to see this attractive blond with blue eyes {dreamy, I know} at her next appointment?
When I decided not to make her feel silly, the words just came out. "That's my fiance. Haha." (Haha like...haha I can't believe I just admitted this to you) Yeah, smooth Ash. Real smooth.
She acted awkward. I acted awkward. WE acted awkward. I scheduled her appointment, told her the chunk of money she'd need to pay, felt even more awkward, received a "congratulations, I guess" from her...and she was on her way.
Maybe next time I'll just tape my mouth shut and let the lonely ladies check out my man.

He was Just Cutting Some Cheese

It is Tuesday-Eve, time for bed. Chris Brown will be performing in my room at approximately 4:50. Woo hoo. No exclamation mark there.
:)
Today I laughed out loud. With myself. Want to know why?
I was shopping at the wondrous dollar store, Honks. While searching for some clear tape, I just so happened to hear a big man that I passed in the isle before my current isle rip one. Loudly.
Gross, dude.
Thank you sir, you brightened my busy Monday :) I hope you are feeling better.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Wait a minute...Christmas was more than 3 months ago! I should NOT be singing this song, though true, when it's supposed to be Spring. I woke up to snow :( All I know is if it doesn't clear out and become beautimous before May 7th, we're gonna have a Bridezilla up in here! :) haha.
Conference was this weekend, don't you love conference? What blows my mind is how dang FAST the past 6 months have gone by. What's even crazier is to think about all that has happened in that time. I swear I almost feel like a different person. Walking on campus I sure feel like I'm different. I won't explain why, but it's a weird feeling.
I missed a lot of conference for work, but something I grabbed out of a few of the talks was that we must continually strive to be better. I often find myself feeling like I'm not good enough or wondering what I did to deserve this life that I have. I question it a lot, actually, wondering why I am continually feeling not-good-enough. And seriously after all that has gone on in my life, especially these past 10 months, why am I blessed with a man who loves me more than anything else... A family and future in-laws who would do anything for me and think I'm so special... I don't feel like I am. I just feel like your average girl, who is 21 but still feels like she should be in high school, going along day-to-day living a normal/crazy life. I think I need a reality check.
So here I am, rambling on {and probably making zero sense} to you fellow bloggers, asking all these things...totally oblivious to the fact that all these good things in my life are what we like to call BLESSINGS. All I have to say is Heavenly Father knows each of us and He knows what we need, what challenges we need to go through in order to become the people we need to be. We're given challenges to see if we pass the test. I guess I passed the test somewhere along the road because I'm quite certain Jon is the biggest blessing in my life.
I know he will help me be a better person. Always.
I know how much the gospel means to him and how important it will be in our lives.
I know he'll be the best dad ever.
I know he will take care of me and our family.
I know he'll choose a career that fits him and that he will be so successful in whatever he does.
I know we'll be best friends forever.
I know we'll have hard times, many probably, but I can't imagine anybody else who I'd rather go through these challenges with. And we will get through them.
I know he'll be super mushy and lovey our entire lives.  And I can handle that.
I know he'll never lie to me.
And most importantly... I know he'll never abandon me. Which has always been my greatest fear.

 

Oh the high school days.

 So yes, I love him. I am so lucky and grateful to have him. After times of confusion and heart-ache and more confusion, I know this is right. I am where I need to be at this time of my life, and I must strive to be better.
Always.
And to all my family and friends out there, thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life. You make me feel like a princess {figuratively} with your kindness and thoughtfulness. I am so blessed. 
Okay... I'll stop now. 
If you weren't able to watch or listen to conference, the church is awesome. They are the bomb.com. Check out the church website. And I'm pretty sure it'll be published super fast, and the talks will be online this Thursday. Holla'! Oh and since when could we watch it LIVE on the internet? Coolest thing EVER.

My Firsthand Serenade

I am currently being serenaded by this guy. He's pretty talented, you should give him a listen! I'll have to post some of his stuff soonish. I've missed these little one-man jam sessions. 

I had to work today. What conference talks did you love? I'll read them first thing!