L{8}LY

If we are friends on instagram, you've seen all of these. 

If not, here are some recent {or two month old} pictures of life lately...

Pedicures with Britt a couple days before...

 The Holt's became 4! Welcome, Liam! 

Lots of hanging out with my favorite Avery, isn't she cute? 

 No dishwasher= lots of dishes every other day!

 Haha. This happened on a day at work that wasn't my very fave. Fun to laugh about it now!

 My last visit to see Jon in Texas {he's home now...told ya these are old ;)}

 A little golf with the Smith's. They just moved into our ward! 

Church is so much more fun with friends. 

 A walk around temple square

 UofU vs USU. I wasn't sure who to cheer for...

Proud of my Aggies! {don't tell Jon}

 More time with this cute girl.

 The Witch Festival at Gardner Village, super cute witches {and kiddos!}

 Liam is already 2 months old! 

 I went to California for work for a couple days.

Yogurtland took us to a Padres game! 

 The view from the condo. Good morning!

 We celebrated our birthdays, can't believe we're 23!

Last week I treated myself to a glorious pedicure. 

After an hour I knew all about the nail guys non-existent love life. 

It was kind of depressing! But felt oh so good :)

Anyway, that's lately...kind of! 

Hopefully I can think of some fun things to actually blog about. Any ideas? 

MIA

I swear I haven't died or anything, just busier than I thought possible.
All I have to say today...was I as unreliable as a teenager as most of the ones I happen to have hired?
Today when five o'clock rolled around I was planning on going to my in-laws to hang out and possibly make donuts. To my surprise I learned I'd be closing.
Yay for 16 hour shifts! I've done too many in my day..or in the last 4 months.
I'm seriously trying to look on the brighter side about these silly work problems, but there doesn't seem to be another side.
How do you guys keep your cool? Maybe management isn't for me?
Where can I possibly find employees that won't complain about every Little thing, or get sick two hours before their shift every other week?
I'm just grateful I have two employees (besides my hubby and sis in law) that I can count on, and no they are not my little brothers.
Tomorrow will be better. For now, I think I'll sleep for 16 hours.
Ps wow you could can call me Nancy, Negative Nancy.

FAQ's

Last night a total stranger made me feel pretty lousy about myself while asking me questions about my life.
Seriously within 15 minutes of meeting this person, I wanted to cry. 

Sometimes people ask me questions that I'm sure they don't mean to come off as insensitive...

but I think there's a time when you just need to stop asking. If that makes any sense at all. 

So I'm here today to answer some things that some of you may be wondering...just so we're clear. 

I may come off as a bit intense, but that's just because I'm tired of feeling judged. 

So hopefully this makes me feel better. We'll see.

Why did you move from Logan to Bountiful? 

Both of our sets of parents are here in Bountiful/Salt Lake so we were driving down here almost every single week. We literally never had time to relax on the weekends, as most of them were spent in the car. Also, Jon has always wanted to go to the UofU. He really just came up to USU because that's where I was at the time he returned from his mish. Now that we're here, my feller can truly bleed red. 

Have you graduated?

Nope, not with my Bachelor's degree at least. I do have my Associate's degree plus many credits beyond that, but wouldn't have my Bachelor's for about 2 more year- thanks to not being able to make up my mind in the beginning about what I wanted to do.

So why did you stop going to school? 

{this one is awkward to answer, especially when I have to really explain myself}

When I started college I didn't qualify for any grants or good loans, so I worked all summer to pretty much pay for housing and living expenses and the rest of my schooling was paid for with unsubsidized loans. If you don't know what those are, you're lucky. Basically they started accruing interest from day one, so today I have about $4,000 in debt JUST in credit. With that on top of the loans itself, I feel like I'm drowning. 

So we would really like to get that paid off asap, and I can't really work full time and pay for life and such if I'm going to school. 

Also, Jon and I had very strong feelings that I should stop going to school so we could start a family. 

If you'd like to know more about that you can ask me. 

When will you back to school?

Haha. Probably not for a while. Like I said, debt doesn't just go away. 

I would definitely like to be a teacher in the future but can't see myself doing that before having children.

I'd really like to go back when I'm older and the kids are in school. 

Isn't it just so hard to find a good job?

{this is usually asked while I'm at work and someone sees me}

Well I actually have a good job that pays pretty well, I feel so lucky to have this job. Yes it's too bad I look super great in my uniform { :) } but I'm paying the bills and am so grateful I am able to do so. 

Why don't you have any kids yet? 

I keep wondering the same thing.

Why would Jon go into dentistry, his family surely doesn't need another one?

Working on people's teeth kind of comes naturally to Jon, maybe this is because he has worked with his dad and brother for so long. It is a fantastic job that will support our family down the road. Hopefully no one thinks we are choosing the easy road, because it is an extremely expensive one to get down.

If you'd like to talk about your thoughts on how dentists are selfish, I'll let you talk to Jon :) 

This summer really gave Jon a new perspective on being a salesman. We at least know that he does NOT want to do that forever {besides selling your skills, of course}

We are hoping that a few years after dental school  we will be in a place {financially speaking} where Jon can get an education in music/sound engineering. He has always dreamed of doing this, so it will happen. We're just trying to choose the best order in which to do things.

 Why would you dye your hair black? 

{this is usually asked by little kids. Good thing they're cute ;)}

Well it was an accident, I was definitely going for dark brown. 

Now that it has been a couple days it has actually kind of grown on me! 

So today I'm feeling extremely grateful for a supportive husband and family and friends that are so understanding. Without these people I might just be hiding from the world. 

Here's to gaining some confidence and knowing just what to say. 

Lately {in Pictures}

So when I'm not at this place: 

I find some time to enjoy myself during this scorching summer. 

You will notice I am with a little princess the majority of the time. 

 Or missing my cute feller

But mostly with the princess.

He has visited twice, and boy were those two times glorious!

The other day, Val took me on a hike. We live in a beautiful place!

And when I am at the place pictured above, this usually happens:

No more dishes for me.

Even though I am living with my sis/bff/other mom and family, I barely see them.
:(
But I am so grateful they offered me a home for the summer
so I can focus on work and getting prepared to live down here while Jon goes to the U!
And I cannot WAIT for the Holt babe#2 to arrive soon.
The princess needs her prince!
Jon and I are so excited to start this chapter in Salt Lake,
 if only the next two weeks would go quick so I could have my husband back. 
K thanks.

Ps. Who thinks it's time for some new shoes?

Wednesday Thought{s}

What is your honest opinion about people going to movies alone? This summer might be my time to allow myself to look like a {loser}

What problems drive you the most crazy? Health, home, or automobile?

How can I help someone want to quit their job so I don't need to be an evil boss and fire them?

Who else has a fascination with peeling skin? Now I don't like peeling other people's skin, that's just super gross. But when it comes to my peeling knees at the moment, I just can't get enough.
That's kinda gross.

I'm hungry and I know it

What time is it? 5:30 am.
Why have I been awake for the past hour? I have no idea!
Am I super annoyed about it? You. Know. It.

The past few nights {more like weeks} I haven't been able to sleep very well. I'm kind of {really} irritated about it because I seriously cherish my sleep! Like the other night...I was exhausted and ready for bed by ten, which rarely happens, so I tried going to sleep and it took at least an hour to get my mind clear enough to doze off. And then there's today. For no reason at all I shot awake at 4:20 and haven't been able to fall back asleep. I thought maybe I had a text or missed call? Nothing. I needed to go to the bathroom...That didn't solve the problem. Then my mind starts racing about work and the employees and scheduling and "is Jon ok" and "I'm kinda hungry" and "this is so annoying"...
So after over an hour of trying I decided it was pointless since my Feller will be calling in an hour to say good morning {yay!}
He's doing well, by the way. Just missing me a ton ;)
I told myself I wasn't going to sleep in past 8:00 very much this summer because I don't want to be lazy and waste my mornings away. But it isn't really paying off..what a bummer.

What helps you get your mind clear enough to get some goooood shut eye?

ps. 12 days until I'm reunited with my better looking half for a week. can't wait. 

Wednesday Thoughts

Cleaning the oven has GOT to be the worst chore ever.
I think I'll consider that my work out for the day.

I wonder how those gross stains got on the bathroom walls?
Surely my feller didn't miss the toilet by that much.
{I know he didn't. and he might kill me now..}

The one good thing about the Logan mall? Pretzel Maker.
Jon is allowing me to go once a week until we move
...well, that's what I'm telling myself. Hopefully he's okay with it.
It's getting awkward because the same two girls are there every time. ineedadisguise.

I listen to Beyonce radio on Pandora while getting ready everyday.
More like Jay Z, Rhianna, Aliyah, and everyone else other than Beyonce.
Come on, Pandora.
{Current fave: End of Time. mmmhmmm}

Our apartment needs some serious pest control.
Somehow bees are getting in and they just chill in our small living room window and bake
..to death.
I'm also getting tired of wasting our Windex on ants.
Good thing we're leaving to go sell pest control. ha.  


Speaking of bees- I think I'm wearing something that attracts them.
I can't seem to get into my car without looking like a freak,
because I'm constantly trying to jump in there before any get in with me.
I'd hate to be a bee.
I can't think of one person that actually likes them.
It must get lonely.
{weird?}

What are your thoughts today? 

Hellurrr! I'm back. Well, WE'RE back from Cancun! 

There shall definitely be a looong post about the vaca soon,

I'm just not ready to spend that much time on ONE post. 

So, here's a fun little blog game going around!

 {Thanks for the tag, Emily!} 

Are ya ready?

1. Post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random facts.
3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.
4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog/twitter/fb and tell them you've tagged them. 

Well here I am on a lazy evening after work.

11 Random Factos about ^^this girl^^:

1. my day doesn't feel complete without a coca cola with extra ice.

2. I don't like to use wash cloths that have been sitting in the sink for more than one day. uh...earwigs!

3. my birthmark is located right next to my belly button.

4. I could sleep until eleven everyday, even if I went to bed at ten the night before. 

5. I get scared every single time I get on an airplane.

{I may or may not look at each person on there to see if anyone is acting slightly suspicious.} 

6. I tend to feel like I need to buy a new shirt every week. I just can't get enough!

7. 96% of my shirts have stripes. no joke. 

8. my car clock is 54 minutes fast. 

...I can't remember how to reset it. 

9. I cry when an animal gets hurt or DIES in movies. 

{Jon almost ran over a cat and didn't even feel bad about it. Can you believe that???}

10. it has been 5 months since I've colored my hair. ohmygoshlookatmyROOTS!

11. I could eat cereal, brownies, brownie batter, fries or dinner rolls for every single meal.

QUESTIONS EM WANTS ME TO ANSWER:

1. If you could go anywhere in the entire world where would it be?

Tahiti. The water looks beautiful and so intriguing! And romantic.

2. What is your favorite show on tv?

Parenthood. Watch it. 

3. If you could be any celebrity who would it be?

Carrie Underwood. She's beautiful, grounded, and has an amazing voice!

4. If you could go back to any age of your life what would it be and why?

Probably 14. I was really hard on myself at this time and wish I could go back and not worry so much about things. Not try to grow up so fast. Not obsess so much over certain boysss. haha. 

5. If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

First off- pay off my blasted student loans! how great would that be? then I'd build our "dream house" to grow our family in, then {hopefully} save the rest. 

6. If you could have a 2 minute shopping spree at a grocery store what would you buy?

Frozen meats, cereallll, ice cream! 

7. Black sock or white socks? or no socks?

Colorful socks or none. hence my super stinky feet.

8. Where was your last vacation?

Cancun Meheeko.

9. How many kids do you want and why?

Currently 6. {I haven't had any yet...so yes, currently 6}. 

Big families are fun. Hard, expensive, but fun!

10. What is your main reason for blogging?

Honestly, to stay in touch. With family and friends living far away and not enough time to talk to each and every person about every single life experience...blogs are great connectors. 

And blogging is a good way to get your thoughts out.  Oh, and everyone's doing it. ;)

11. What is your very first memory?

My {4th?} birthday...my aunt gave my Barbie brand underwear and bra. I put them on and ran out in the front yard to show my brother and all of his 7 year old friends. 

My poor mother.

QUESTIONS ASH WANTS YOU TO ANSWER:

1. What is your favorite thing to do on your days off?

2. What is your main form of exercise?

3. What is your favorite clothing store?

4. If you could marry any celebrity who would it be?

5. What is your dream job?

6. How often do you do your chores?

7. What is your worst habit?

8. What is your favorite holiday? why?

9. Eating out or at home? 

10. What is your dream vacation? not just location...

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? play? 

mmmk cupcakes, the following have been tagged!

Melissa Smith 

Kamille Clifford

Maddie Higginson 

ALL MY SISTERS!

My mothers! 

 

Temptations...

...are all around me.
hot pizza, soda, movie popcorn, CEREAL...they're all calling my name.
Seriously, it's only day five and this has felt like the longest week of my LIFE!
haha okay, I'm being dramatic. But really, this cleansing stuff is tough.
Props to those who do this all the time. 
The results so far: pretty much the same as last post.
No headaches which is awesome.
Less fatigued.
Weight loss. I feel more comfortable in my skinny jeans :)
and a whole bunch of hunger ;)
I'm pretty sure the only reason we're SO hungry is because we sometimes go eight hours without food because of work, and we can't snack. I wish there were more snacking options than herbal tea...
and water.
I mean today we ate smoothies at 9, and just barely had our main meal {which took forever to make} at 4:30 instead of 1 or 2. We'll get it figured out though.
It'll be interesting to introduce all the foods we haven't been eating to see how our bodies react to each item.
If you're going to do this cleanse, drink a ton of water! I'm bad at that, and I'm pretty dehydrated. Especially when I'm at work. My lips are perma-dry which is gross.
Sorry customers.
Any previous cleansers out there who have some tips for a rookie to resist all the goodies all around?
I'd just hate to cave in before day twenty one.
But I'm a Christiansen. Which means I have one MAJOR sweet tooth.

Today was Good.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually my least favorite days when it comes to school. I go to campus at 7, and don't get done with classes until 3. By then I am definitely starving and my eyes are droopy. I start out with my jogging class, where I get all sweaty and stuff. Yum. Then I hurry to my 3 hour sewing class. I may have said this before, but if you ever want to lose some self-esteem {who would?} take an advanced sewing class with a bunch of girls in your same major who dominate! I purposely pick projects to do that are easier than all the others because I know if I even tried to attempt what they do, I would fail! I've only had two days this semester where I've actually cried in that class, but that's just embarrassing enough! It kinda stinks when all the girls are talking to each other, saying "how cute!" everyone's projects are, and I hear nothing. {don't worry, I've thrown myself a pity party or two} But I must say, I'm happy with my work! My teacher is so sweet and kind and helpful, this was her last semester teaching sewing as she'll be retiring. She definitely deserves a long and relaxing retirement! {Thanks, Lu!}
ANYWAY! After sewing class is over, I actually stay in the lab an extra hour and a half trying to catch up. Then I head to Preschool Methods, probably one of the most pointless classes for my major {I'm going to teach high schoolers...not preschoolers!} But as I've listened to the lectures I've taken them more as how to parent toddlers. haha :) For a month we've been working on our lesson plans, INTENSE STUFF right there!
By the time those days are over I'm pooped. And I usually head into work at 5. Yikes!
Well today was a different Thursday. Jon didn't have work, so I rode with him to class (he has a 7 o'clock class too) in his car that he got all warmed up. He got me a poptart to get through my classes {super healthy, huh?} Then when class got out he was waiting for me right outside the building. No walking across campus for me!
Laziness.
I came home to the best surprise! a suuuper clean house. Yes! I haven't had time to clean for a few weeks, and it was starting to get pretty bad...Thanks Jono! I love you!
I didn't have work tonight, so a nap was taken, a Christmas movie is being watched, and my stinky feet are being rubbed. Lucky is my nickname..how fitting.
Now if I could just focus on my final projects and study a bit for finals next week!

Confession

I finally went on an adventure yesterday to get my name changed.
Yeah, Yeah...

 I probably should've done that about 7 months ago. But hey! I have an excuse. Logan only does it on Thursdays at a certain time via webcam, and Thursdays are quite busy days! 

So I made the excursion down to Ogden to do the deed. 

Another confession: my license has been expired since I turned 22. Yep, I'm a rebel. 

-Or just an idiot-

So when I got to the social sec. office I walked into the room full of about 32 peeps ahead of me that all smelled quite lovely..maybe that's a lie. I took my number and sat down and started playing solitaire on my phone. I soon realized I needed to fill out some paper work, but I was pen-less. Shoot!

I wasn't about to ask one of my buddies to my right or left because they didn't look too happy to be there. 

ANYWAY. I didn't fill it out. 

55 minutes later, my number {A197} was called, and I felt very self conscious walking in front of a large crowd because I KNOW they were all staring at me. There was nothing else to look at. 

I got to the window and the woman just stuck out her hand for my schtuff. 

My hands were shaking as I handed her the marriage license and my expired drivers license. 

Woman with an attitude as big as her lips: Did you fill out your paper?

Me: No I couldn't find a pen. But I can do it quick!

Woman: Well did you atleast fill out your social?

Me: Oh yes. {As I begin writing it down}

Lips: So, you just lied to me?

Me: Sorry, I thought you said "could you atleast fill out your social?"

Woman: Mmhmm.

Woman again: Oh no no no, this license is expired! {pursing lips} I'm gonna need another form of ID.

Me: I know, I wanted to change my name before I got a new license.

I don't have any other ID, would a pay stub work?

Woman: haha NO, do you have a health insurance card?

Me: Oh yeah! 

{of course I hand her the one that doesn't include my name. Hooray for double coverage!}

***

She then went on explaining that NO amount of cute will save you from an expired license. 

And that it would be 'real bad' if I was going somewhere on emergency then got pulled over. 

Yada yada yada. 

Basically, she gave me a lot of crap! but it's ok, I wouldn't expect any less...

I was definitely in the wrong. 

After that I was able to go to Target {yay!}, got our winter tires put on, then headed to the DMV. 

Oddly enough the guy at the DMV was SOOO nice! I was expecting to have to take the driving test all over again {thanks for freaking me out, mom! haha}

Did you guys know you're supposed to legally change your address every time you move? Well I've never done that, and I've moved about 6 times since I've gotten my license. 

 Tip#1: if you get pulled over and the cop asks what your address is, be sure it's the same as the one on your license! OR you'll be ticketed. {Thanks DMV guy!}

Tip#2: DON'T run "legal" errands on a Monday.

I'm pretty sure that's when everyone and their boyfriends and puppies go!

***

So who's excited for Thanksgiving? I know the Feller's are! {that's us :)} 

We've been in "Thanksgiving Break" mode for a bit longer than the actual break. 

We can't wait to spend 4 days stuffing our faces with his family. 

I'm a bit stressed out with about 8 projects I've got going on right now. The end of the semester has always been intense, but I'd say this one is by far the worst. It's crunch time, so we're gonna be having a LOT of late nights in our home.Lucky for me I've got a hubby that will rub my stinky feet and make apple cider :)

I'm pretty sure I love the holidays so much more being married. I remember years in the past being sorta cranky at work when I'd hear Christmas music, or when it was busy. But I'm lovin' it right about now!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Ay to Zee

Jonny and I went to the temple tonight. What a blessing it is to have one so close.

Peace, happiness, and a clearer mind in just a couple hours.

Love it.

Now. we're just chillin.

I saw this on a blog I follow, cats and cardigans. It's late at night and I don't know what to blog about.

 I just know I need to blog.

 if you're feelin' it, copy it!

A. Age: twenty two.

B. Bed size: queen. perfect for snuggling.
 C. Chore that you hate: hanging up clean clothes. I wish there was a machine to wash, dry, and hang/fold all in one!

D. Dogs: favorite animal. I can't seem to convice Jonny to get one {he blames it on the apartment restrictions..surrre..}
maybe after our first child? or last?

E. Essential start to your day: sleeping in laaate! not possible with school and all, so on the rare occassion that I don't have class or work early, I'm one happy morning person!
this week I got to sleep in 3 times. HOLLA! thank you Fall break!

F. Favorite color: orange. happiness.

G. Gold or Silver: well, silver. I don't think I could pull off the gold.

H. Height: 5'7&1/2"ish.

I. Instruments you play: nada. how lame.

J. Job title: Maxxinista.

K. Kids: we'll have lots one day. and they're names will be so cute ;)

L. Live: beautiful Cache Valley. we'll be moving away sooner or later, though!

M. Mother’s name: Teri.DeeDee.Margo. love my moms.

N. Nicknames: Ash, Splash, Smash, Lucky, BigAsh, Feller {bout time!}

O. Overnight hospital stays: none that I know of..

P. Pet peeves: the sound of hucking-a-loogy. mmm.... :(

Q. Quote from a movie: You know what music is? God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe, a harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.

-August Rush

R. Right or left handed: right handed.

S. Siblings: britt, aubrey, boyd, ty, stacie, heidi, paul, tia, houston

U. Underwear: I wear them when I exercise...

V. Vegetable you hate: nunya

W. What makes you run late: pushing snooze more than I had planned.

.X. X-Rays you’ve had: dental.

Y. Yummy food that you make: mash potatoooes. yummm. can anyone fail at that, though?

Z. Zoo animal: elephants are kewl, and rare {well, you wouldn't just see them ANYWHERE. right??}

Well that was fun. I got to know myself just a little more.

haha remember doing these via email to all your friends in Jr High?

Good times.

I wish I could sleep in tomorrow but hey, a girl's gotta work!

Night hombres.

PS- Jon and I are now addicted to Bones on Netflix. ooh yeeaahhh.

Pants on Fire

Liar, liar. I'm posting again. Twice in one day.
I really shouldn't have this much time on my hands! 

So in the past month or so, I've locked my keys in my car 3 or 4 times. The first time I was at Jon's {sister's/bro's} house, luckily, so I was able to sleep there until morning and we could go find my spare.

Well today Dave, the bro, saved my world once again. 

You see...after work at the dental office I was rushing to get things done so I could get out of Logan. I NEEDED to run to Tj Maxx and give them my summer availability, since they have had no idea when I'll be able to actually work after the wedding/honeymoon. NE-WAY, I locked my keys in Turk {my car} because I texted someone as soon as I parked, lost my train of thought, locked my door, stepped on the pavement, shut the door, "Crap.", looked in the window.

My USU Aggies lanyard was hanging proudly from the ignition. 

Again, Crap.

Jon was babysitting Dave and Mindi's kiddos. So who do I call? Dave. He picked me up, took me to our new apartment...where I realized my HOUSE KEY IS WITH MY CAR KEY. Found out the front window wasn't even locked, so I broke into my own apartment in about 23 seconds. THAT'S not scary at all. 

Anyway, long story {not so} short, Turk and I have reunited. My apartment looks like it was robbed with all the stuff I poored out of boxes in search of my spare. Jon finished babysitting. Dave lost 20 minutes of good errand time. And my summer availability for the Maxx is in. 

I think I am losing my mind. 

Moving on. About 20 minutes ago I was facebook stalking myself. Hopefully I'm not the only one who does that. It's okay, admit it, you stalk yourself too.

Anyway, whilst doing some stalk-age, I realized that I am having an out-of-body experience. Is that really me marrying my high school sweetheart? That just doesn't happen. Is that really me who went through the temple last weekend? I've always wanted to do that. Is that really me who has experienced 3 years of college and have not-so-much to show for it other than a little bit more social skills and maturity? Ain't that sad. And am I really that girl who will have her life totally changed in 2 days? Yeah. That's me.

I seriously cannot even fathom it. 

I, like many who have gone before me, suddenly feel like I'm not prepared for this big change. I just need to remember the past 7 years of my life, when I kept saying to myself "I just want to grow up and get married!" 

Well Ash, here ya go! 

excited. anxious. nervous. ready. not ready. tired. hyper. thoughtFULL. unknowing. 

This will be fun :) 

I won't see Jon until the night before. Oh boy, can we go a full day without seeing each other? 

Good luck on your final, Captain. You'll kill it!

We're getting married. Holy...

Today was my last day as an official "Roundhouse Girl." I've lived with Hannah and Valerie for 2 years. They've become my sista's and it will be so weird not spending literally every waking moment with them. Han is getting married in June and Val is moving to New York for an Interior Design internship all summer. 

They rock.

Thanks for being such a blessing in my life, ladies! 

Can't wait for you to be part of the Feller wedding this weekend.

Ps have you ever scratched your skin so hard that you bruise?

Whilst I wait...

The time has come to register for fall 2011 classes. This will be my 7th time going through this process. The internet shuts down, every single Aggie that has facebook begins complaining about how they can't register, and then the next day all you talk about is "how annoying Banner is." Needless to say, it is much harder than it needs to be. Registration opened at midnight, and we are all battling for our chance to get the classes we need in order to continue on our educational path.
So whilst I wait, I write.
Something I like to do is Blog Surfing. I could honestly spend all day long reading through a random persons blog, then when I get tired of that, go to the top of the page and hit "next blog..." I love it. It satisfies me and keeps me entertained. I learn more from strangers, mothers, (gay) mormons, burn victims, crafters, friends, etc...than I seem to learn in my classrooms.
{pause. hit refresh on Banner. continue}
Something hit me today. Well it has been just pinching me for the past while, but it slapped me right in the face today. I AM SELFISH. I swear it seems that all I worry about is ME ME ME. I keep wondering "why am I so stressed?" or "why is this bugging me so much?" Um, hello Ashley. Look around you. Listen to what everyone else is saying. Once you literally forget yourself and go to work, things will get better/easier/simpler. You already know this. How many times do you have to learn?
A lot, apparently.
I am so blessed, you guys. We all are. If you are anything like me, we take the small things for granted.
{refresh.}
Look in the mirror. What do you see? I am critical and will more often than not judge every aspect of my face, body, intelligence (or the lack thereof. Oh look, there I go again), personality, weaknesses. I am my biggest critic.
What I hope to be able to see everyday, and not just at moments, is a reflection of someone who is confident, loving, forgiving, innocent, effort-ful (is that a word), and happy. Because that is who I am.
I am trying, and that is just what I need to keep doing. Try to be better, always.
Someday I won't be too scared to write in my journal, letting go of the fear of reading back and being ashamed or embarrassed. But happy with what I have done and learned and accomplished, and how I have grown. Because if I am trying to be better, always...there's no way I won't grow.
I got some much-needed ear time from 2 of my best friends today. Thank you, ladies. I hope that someday soon I won't have to rely on others words to feel better about myself. I will know my worth and strength and capabilities on my own.
{refresh.}
I will let my walls down and be vulnerable. I will give my life to the Lord. I will trust, with all my heart, in the man that loves me and wants to call me wifey. I will love him endlessly, and never put anyone above him or my Father in Heaven and Savior.
{refresh. nothing.}
I think I will give up on Banner until tomorrow.
Or else I'll keep rambling and you will all think I am crazy for writing on my blog and not in a journal. Don't worry, I'm working on it.
Thanks for visiting and listening. It means a lot.
Until next time: Desire
ps. Happy bday Mom and ValPal

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Wait a minute...Christmas was more than 3 months ago! I should NOT be singing this song, though true, when it's supposed to be Spring. I woke up to snow :( All I know is if it doesn't clear out and become beautimous before May 7th, we're gonna have a Bridezilla up in here! :) haha.
Conference was this weekend, don't you love conference? What blows my mind is how dang FAST the past 6 months have gone by. What's even crazier is to think about all that has happened in that time. I swear I almost feel like a different person. Walking on campus I sure feel like I'm different. I won't explain why, but it's a weird feeling.
I missed a lot of conference for work, but something I grabbed out of a few of the talks was that we must continually strive to be better. I often find myself feeling like I'm not good enough or wondering what I did to deserve this life that I have. I question it a lot, actually, wondering why I am continually feeling not-good-enough. And seriously after all that has gone on in my life, especially these past 10 months, why am I blessed with a man who loves me more than anything else... A family and future in-laws who would do anything for me and think I'm so special... I don't feel like I am. I just feel like your average girl, who is 21 but still feels like she should be in high school, going along day-to-day living a normal/crazy life. I think I need a reality check.
So here I am, rambling on {and probably making zero sense} to you fellow bloggers, asking all these things...totally oblivious to the fact that all these good things in my life are what we like to call BLESSINGS. All I have to say is Heavenly Father knows each of us and He knows what we need, what challenges we need to go through in order to become the people we need to be. We're given challenges to see if we pass the test. I guess I passed the test somewhere along the road because I'm quite certain Jon is the biggest blessing in my life.
I know he will help me be a better person. Always.
I know how much the gospel means to him and how important it will be in our lives.
I know he'll be the best dad ever.
I know he will take care of me and our family.
I know he'll choose a career that fits him and that he will be so successful in whatever he does.
I know we'll be best friends forever.
I know we'll have hard times, many probably, but I can't imagine anybody else who I'd rather go through these challenges with. And we will get through them.
I know he'll be super mushy and lovey our entire lives.  And I can handle that.
I know he'll never lie to me.
And most importantly... I know he'll never abandon me. Which has always been my greatest fear.

 

Oh the high school days.

 So yes, I love him. I am so lucky and grateful to have him. After times of confusion and heart-ache and more confusion, I know this is right. I am where I need to be at this time of my life, and I must strive to be better.
Always.
And to all my family and friends out there, thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life. You make me feel like a princess {figuratively} with your kindness and thoughtfulness. I am so blessed. 
Okay... I'll stop now. 
If you weren't able to watch or listen to conference, the church is awesome. They are the bomb.com. Check out the church website. And I'm pretty sure it'll be published super fast, and the talks will be online this Thursday. Holla'! Oh and since when could we watch it LIVE on the internet? Coolest thing EVER.

Are you cooky?

Today I made banana cookies. it was cooky. 

What an interesting experience... I felt nervous, under-prepared (though I prepped for quite a while!), had the nerve-sweats (have you had those??), awkward, yeah...  basically I downgraded to my junior high self.

All these feelings came just before I had to give a food demo in my orientation class {hence the cookies}. I had part of my measurements wrong, forgot to plug in the mixer BEFORE I began the presentation, my hands were shaky, and on top of that...I forgot a cookie sheet! 

It was kind of crazy because the fifteen or so gals that went before me on previous days seemed so confident, and then here I am...shakin' in my boots! 

I'm grateful for the practice though :) jr high and high school students can be a ruthless at times. If you need someone to do a little grub-demo for ya, let-me-help-you-help me!

Yep, I'm still excited to teach! Any tips on gaining confidence in the classroom? As most of you may know, I am most comfortable when I know you well. At first I can be pretty shy. 

NO MORE OF THAT, ASH. Time to be outgoing and crack jokes 24/7. (really though, I want to be funny!)

{there's my face, and a banana cookie with coconut icing}

Sooo... good news!I met with an academic counselor the day before today {yesterday}, and turns out my 4 year-turned 5 year-could've been 6 year-plan isn't so messed up after all! If you don't recall, I was having some problemos with my schedule, not being able to get in classes and such. Well she helped me out and looks like I'll be able to get out of here in 4 semesters! So two more years. Much better than the 3 I was dreading. 

Surrre I could have probably been a doctor for cryin' out loud in that time, but I'm really happy about it! Let's just cross our fingers and have hope I'll get to the end of this journey.

Well, back to the books. I'll be at the Maxx tonight if you'd like to hit me up or come make some cheap purchases! (final clearance time BABY).

Have a happy ALMOST weekend :) 

That's a Wrap

So it looks like my "30 day challenge" turned into a bit more days than that, but I'm happy to say I'll be wrapping it up today :) it has been pretty fun, and great to have something simple to post about! First things first...

School has begun. Again.

This semester started off with some stressors. Last semester I was able to work full time because I was just taking 12 credits and was able to get all the hours in and still stay (almost) sane. 

Wellll I decided this semester I would take more credits, you know...be a legit college student and all. Turns out 2 of my required classes are FULL. I have been on the waiting lists for them for a while and talked to the professors who won't budge. "Sign up for it next Spring," they say. SO that will put me a year behind, which will make that 2 years of my total delay, since it took me a while to find the perfect major. 

I want to see if I can take them online, anyone know of good online schools, or school's that offer classes online? 

I'm trying not to let this get to me, it's just a bit frustrating.

Good thing is, Jon is here! Yay :) It has been so awesome having him here in frigid Logan. He's sick, I feel way bad. You need to hear his Australian accent, it's pretty cute.

I can't really explain how it feels to walk with him on campus...I've just been imagining it for 2 1/2 years. And now it is reality. He's my best friend and I just love him!

My favorite class this semester will definitely be Clothing Productions. My roomie Val and cousin Channy are in there too. We will be making PANTS and a blouse. And learning how to be a pro-sewer. Can't wait!

Can you guess how cold it is in Logan at the moment? 

1 degree. Wow. 4 minutes in that and you feel like your ears are going to fall off. Dare ya to try it.

My mom came to town last week for a quick visit. We went to dinner at Cafe Sabor, which you should try if you haven't already. 

Oh and I was babysitting Miss Ave a while ago. The second I turn my back to make some easy-mac, I hear a large kaboom. I turn around and guess what I see? My cute niece laying on the floor about to scream. She fell off the couch and hit her face on the base board. I hoped the red marks and scratches wouldn't become any worse...don't worry, they totally did. The best (and only good) part about it? Ave let me cradle her for about 30 minutes until she wasn't so shaken anymore. That's 29 minutes and 49 seconds longer than normal!

Poor baby girl! Hopefully she doesn't hold that against me, I MUST be her favorite!   

ALRIGHT, let us finish this thang. 

Day 29: 

a picture that always makes you smile...

 

Kung pow? 

Day 30: who are you?

Well I'm still figuring some things out about myself, but here's what I can come up with so far...

I am a girl/woman. I am gaining confidence. I am weak. I am strong. I am a daughter of God. I am a daughter of 3 wonderful parents. I am a sister, a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter. I am gullible. I am hopeful. I am sensitive. I love being in love. I am a full-blown Maxxinista. I try to be a helper. I am continually learning and growing. I am a [wanna-be] runner. I am a friend. I am caring. I am forgiving. I get hurt, and I'm sure I hurt others sometimes. I am a worrier. I love life and the struggles that come with it (after the fact, of course). I am a brownie-pro.

 I am Ash.

Day 28

a picture of you from a year ago, and one from now. 

how have you changed?

Well I feel semi-weird putting pictures of just myself up here... but there ya go! :)

How have I changed? Look wise-I haven't. at least I don't think so. Maybe I look older? No...I'm the same. Surprise!.. my hair has stayed brown for over a year, that's a record! 

Okay, how have I changed...I feel like I have changed a bit. 

I feel like I have truly become Ash. 

I (think) I know who I am and what I want out of life. 

My testimony of the church has solidified, nothing can shake me.

I finally found my major! 

I have become more independent. 

I know what makes me happiest. 

I have discovered that I can actually juggle quite a bit at one time (feeling overwhelmed at times, of course).

I have learned that it is okay and so important to be happy, no matter how difficult life may get.

I think I've changed in good ways. 

If you think otherwise, please tell me!